I tried Sniffies and it made getting laid as a gay man almost too easy
Cards on the table, it’s been a gloriously slutty year. There’s no shame in hiding it. I’ve been single longer than one hand can tally, and I’d kill for a dual income to upgrade my lifestyle here in Chicago. On the plus side, I get to live shamelessly doing whatever I want, which lately includes testing gay dating apps for Mashable. But recently, the same old dating apps have become a bit choppy.
Grindr ads are killing me; the gays on Hinge all lie about having boats; and thanks to a former stalker of mine, I’ve been banned from Tinder for almost a decade. But, that’s a different story. I’ve been looking for a new way to have casual sex, and I might be a little late to the game, but Jesus H. Christ, Sniffies — where the hell have you been hiding?
For the gays still blissfully unaware of the seedy circus that is Sniffies, just know it makes Grindr look like something your mom would pull up at Sunday brunch. In comparison to Sniffies, Grindr keeps your feed rather tame — faceless torsos, struggling actors’ headshots, blank profiles, and if you’re lucky, some muscle jock’s butt. Despite Grindr's NSFW reputation, it's nothing you couldn’t post on Instagram.
Sniffies, on the other hand? Cocks. Everywhere. Hole. As far as the eye can see. All plastered on a blue map of your area. Face pics feel borderline illegal, because this is an app designed for sex and absolutely nothing else. And, you can find it in seconds. Even the best hookup apps could never work this fast. The first time I used the “app” (I’ll speak more on why that’s in quotes in a bit), I had a man over from around the corner and in my apartment in less than five minutes. It was almost too easy.
How does Sniffies work?
Alright, so, you can’t get Sniffies in the App Store anymore, thanks to Apple’s famously prudish guidelines. Bummer. I know. Instead, you have to use whatever browser you’ve got on your phone or laptop and head to the Sniffies website. You’re prompted with the option to either create a profile or cruise anonymously. If you make a profile, you can basically do everything you’d do on any gay dating app — set your preferences, drop a bio, broadcast your kinks, casually note your stance on fisting, you get the picture — only here the big question is, “How much nudity should I show in my profile?”
When your profile is complete, you’re graced with the Sniffies cruising map. Profiles appear in little circles, almost like pins. You can click on any profile and message any guy you’re interested in meeting IRL. You’ll also get access to popular cruising locations around town, which you may or may not have even known were cruising areas. (Editor’s note: In New York City, we’ve heard credible reports that the NYPD is using Sniffies to arrest gay men at popular cruising destinations, so cruise accordingly.) After using Sniffies, I’ll never look at my local home improvement store bathroom the same again.
Some of these locations are set in public parks, businesses, and the like. Obviously, cruising in places like this is not legal, and I definitely don't recommend breaking the law to meet guys. That's not me being coy, either. No matter how much you might want to, it’s probably not wise to meet up and get drilled by the 6’4” daddy asking you to meet somewhere you definitely shouldn’t.
You’ll also see a number of men hosting sex parties, group jerkoff sessions, gloryholes, and more. These are typically planned in advance, and you’ll have to ask the group host if you can attend. He’ll probably say yes, and can you bring any friends?
Unlike most gay dating apps, even if you don’t make a profile, you can still access everything on Sniffies right away. While that can be convenient, please protect your privacy accordingly. However, as a free user, you’ll only be able to send photos of yourself in the chat. This is great for all you DL men with wives. And, yes, I am judging you.
Should I get Sniffies?
Hey, that’s up to you — but here’s what you need to do. Be careful. People on Sniffies are on Sniffies for one thing and one thing only: to have sex with you. You will find sex as a gay man (or trans person, y’all can hop on, too!) through Sniffies, just make sure you’re doing so safely and not getting yourself into any trouble. Fun is fun when it’s fun, just use your brain, even as all your blood rushes elsewhere. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. And, for the love of God — get tested regularly.
If you do want to give it a shot, just head to the Sniffies website.
