Be warned: Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody is more about fandom than the show itself
Seven months after Heated Rivalry debuted on HBO, Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody has opened Off-Broadway. Catering to fans who can't get enough of Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, the musical hits the biggest beats of the TV show, with the occasional half-hearted jabs at its quirks. But overall, this parody is less about Jacob Tierney's wildly popular adaptation of Rachel Reid's smut hockey novel, and more about playing to the fans — and not just fans of Heated Rivalry itself.
Theater adults will likely chuckle at nods to Gypsy, Little Shop of Horrors, The Full Monty, and more. For instance, the book by Dylan MarcAurele begins by taking a page from Titanique.
Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody focuses on a diva, not the hockey dudes.
This parody begins not by introducing the rival hockey pros but three fans of Heated Rivalry, all named Susan. They sing about how watching "gay hockey players with big butts having sex" gives their boring home lives much-craved spice. And they can't wait to welcome you into the fandom.
The structure of this parody seems pretty clearly cribbed from the Off-Broadway parody of Titanic, which is now a four-time Tony-nominated Broadway show. Both center on a female narrator who is eccentric, passionate, and can sing like a pop diva rather than the lovers at the heart of the story. In Titanique, that's the musical's co-creator Marla Mindelle. In Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody, it's Ryann Redmond, who plays the Main Susan.
Redmond delivers a delicious drag performance that exaggerates the stereotypical Heated Rivalry fan that's gotten a lot of attention since the show came out. Susan is middle-aged, white, straight, loves gay smut, and has a Midwestern accent as thick as ambrosia salad. Like the show itself, Susan is a parody done with great affection. And Redmond is remarkable in the role, giving plenty of heart to deeply silly original songs, as well as references to other musicals, like Gypsy ("It's Rose's turn!").
Bolstering her are fellow Susans, played by Cherry Torres and Ryan Duncan; the latter seems to be channeling John Roberts' internet icon mom, down to the frizzy red wig and penchant for sweat suits. Together, this trio plays most of the supporting roles in the musical, including Shane's mom, Ilya's dad, smoothie-maker Kip, movie star Rose, and Kip's co-worker Maria. What about Shane's dad? Well, there's a joke that he's so boring he's been cut, but the other excuse is he's off looking for his phone charger! (IYKYK.)
Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody gives one audience member a chance to be a star.
You might have clocked I didn't mention Scott Hunter, the closeted captain of the New York Admirals whose big moment of kissing Kip after winning the Stanley Cup gives Ilya the courage to say the line: "I'm coming to the cottage."
Well, in this parody, he's not played by one of the cast. Instead, they pull an audience member up on stage to play Kip. As Susan, Redmond declared, "Tonight, the role of Scott Hunter will be played by one of you." And the night I attended, the "you" selected was New York Times contributor Tim Teeman.
He was handed a script and thrust into the meet-cute where Kip (Duncan) meets Scott at the smoothie shop, while Maria mostly says "girl" over and over. Teeman was game to play out seven pages of dialogue, as Duncan flirted and swooned. And it was a charming gambit that reflects the popularity of working in the audience on Broadway shows like Titanique, Every Brilliant Thing, and Cats: The Jellicle Ball.
However, the sheer goofiness of this bit reflects how every bit of Ilya and Shane's romance is handled.
Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody has sex but no heat.
Perhaps it's too much to expect a swiftly made musical parody to capture the uniquely thrilling onscreen chemistry of Heated Rivalry's Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams. But Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody doesn't really try.
The couple's meet-cute over a cigarette feels stiff in the hands of their Ilya (Jay Armstrong Johnson). And while the show gets sillier from there — including a song number about how Ilya's big butt has been a burden he's carried and been ostracized for all his life — Johnson fails to rise to the level of Storrie's cheek.
Jimin Moon fares better as Shane, heightening the hockey pro's social awkwardness to comical proportions that feel reflective of rom-com daffiness. The song "This Fuck Felt Different from the Last Fuck" plays hilariously because of Moon's earnestness, treating the spicy lyrics as if they are a Disney princess "I wish" song. But he's better paired with Redmond, who plays his bawdy beard Rose. Together, they score laughs with his wide-eyed shock at her frankness, which is bolstered by Redmond's sensational pipes.
In scenes of sex and seduction, Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody favors cheap laughs, employing dummies to act out frantic fucking. The actors may look the part of Ilya and Shane, but they can't recreate their chemistry. So, what we're left with are jokes about douching and zany reenactments of the show's most pivotal scenes.
Curiously, the one song from Heated Rivalry's soundtrack the parody uses is t.A.T.u.'s "All the Things She Said," with Johnson and Moon singing a bit before the full track blares in the small theater, turning the vibe to night club. This club scene that drove fans wild is treated with some reverence, aside from two Susans playing bump-and-grinding party girls who seem oblivious to their dancing partner's disinterest. Yet the intensity of this moment is lost, even with the familiar song, because of an abundance of silliness and a lack of heat between its leading men.
Frustratingly, the bits of Heated Rivalry that the fandom loved for their charming silliness — like Shane's pain-killer-addled plea for Ilya to come to his cottage — are not memorably interpreted. So the final act falls flat, despite the best efforts and intense enthusiasm of the Susans.
While some parodies can give a fun new spin on the source material (see Puffs), others can get too caught up in their own cleverness to appease fans (Exorcistic: The Rock Musical). Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody falls in between.
The audience on the night I attended howled with laughter throughout, whether the jokes were about sex, the show, hockey, or just playing the audio from Storrie's early days on YouTube.
Admittedly, I struggled to enjoy the show because of some horrendous technical issues. First off, my seat on the right-hand side of the Culture Club theater was not listed as an obstructed view. However, between the columns in the tight space, the compact size of the stage, and the very tall man who sat in front of me, I spent much of the musical craning my neck and wiggling around trying to see what was going on. For instance, during the show's climactic cheeky moment, a seeming nod to The Full Monty's Broadway finale, I couldn't see anything — despite seeing plenty being the whole point.
The other issue was a loud, mechanical humming that came from a massive in-room air conditioner. I did go see this on an abruptly scorching day. But letting this unit run throughout the show meant the performers were in a battle against the shockingly loud, droning white noise. With no intermission and sold-out shows, I had no option but to sit and try my hardest to see and hear as much as I could. Admittedly, this might be why the only song whose lyrics stuck with me is the opening about "gay hockey players with big butts," which is reprised at the end.
Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody is now playing Off-Broadway.
